Primed

Introversion   5 X 5 ft  oil on canvas

The definition of introversion that works best for me is this: despite the fact that I love people, the energy I expend in talking to and being with them is limited and does not get refilled until I am alone and pursuing other goals. Usually all that is necessary to recharge my battery is a quick nap or an hour in the garden.  But recently I feel like I've been zapped, drained, depleted.  It's as if I need to "prime the pump," pull out the choke and flood my engine.... something to push me over the red line.  Nothing is wrong in my life.... nothing. In fact, seeking to find a "reason" is self-indulgent and narcissistic and doesn't help one little bit. Have you ever tried to water a houseplant when its soil has gotten completely dry?  The water runs right through the soil into the saucer.  It seems contradictory, but to get dry soil to absorb water you have to moisten the soil first.   I feel just like that.... my soil has gone too dry and all the good things in my life seem to flow right through me without being absorbed.  And I don't know what is needed to do that pre-moisturizing of my soul.  This painting is an exercise in pure expressionism, a stream of consciousness that reflects some of the subjects I have painted over the last year.   It is a dark story told in passionate calligraphic strokes, intensely personal and mysterious, even to me.  I do not feel primed.  Yet.  I will continue to search through all means, including paint.  I hope you enjoy it.

Figurative Works

Two of my recent pieces, The Dancer and Eric were chosen for Figurative Works, a juried competition at the Foundry Art Centre in Saint Charles, Missouri.  I was absoLUTELY blown away at the honor of being included in this showing.  There were over two hundred applications and only 46 artists' work was chosen. And the quality was amazing, diverse, and fantastic.  They will be hanging for 5 1/2 more weeks.

Stop Yelling (I Can Hear You)

Eight years ago this past February I quit my job to become a full time artist.  But opportunities arose and I ended up becoming a potter, teacher, shop keeper, and finally a caregiver for my parents.  I did, however, paint through out, and did some acceptable work, in spite of all the wonderful distractions.

Eight years ago.  As I see it now, in perfect hindsight, I gave into the fear and doubt, ONCE AGAIN, and allowed these things to take precedence.  But now I have slowly, one by one, unburdened myself of each of these delightful distractions, and dedicated myself to my art, once and for all, for ever and ever.  Amen.

I wouldn't trade a single one of those gifts, the pottery at Boonesfield, the store on Main Street, the big studio at the Foundry Art Centre, or our lovely teaching studio at Crossroads, or the precious time with my parents, for anything else.  Those were amazing and wonderful times.  The thing I regret, though, is not putting my painting first. I wonder where I would be now, almost a decade later, if I had pursued it with a passion.  I can't look back.  Life is all about choices and we tend to make decisions based on a lot of circumstances, including doubt and fear.

I won't be afraid any more.  This is who I am.  This is what I do. Life will present me with other challenges and distractions and, honestly, duties that I must attend.  But the work is first and foremost.  Ya hear? (I am yelling at myself.)

Here's another POD.  This time it is Tim's eye.  Hope you enjoy it.

Waiting for the Muse to Visit

My very talented artist son, Ben, cried, "I need a muse!" And I replied, "I bet what you really need is some financial success!  A sponsor, a contract, a patron!"  How much of our artistic lives are spent trying to find out what to make that will sell? How much energy is expended on marketing and promotion?  How many times have I looked at a blank canvas and said, "what's the point?"

Nothing is more stimulating than success.  But if I wait for it, it may never happen.  We artists have to stay motivated, fresh, original, energetic, spontaneous.... good grief!  Who can maintain that type of kinetic energy? That's a huge list for any one to attempt, let alone a melancholic artist!  Ah, well. 

Nothing succeeds like success someone once quipped.  Yea, right.

I'm really frustrated trying to paint really large things on a tiny little canvas.  Today I decided I'm going to enlarge small things instead.  Here's my POD (Painting of the Day.) I painted it over the scrapings from the last two days.  Hmmm, I should give it a meaningful name like, "Lost and Found," or something equally banal.  Instead, I give you, My Eye.  Hope you enjoy it.

My Eye 8 X 10" oil on panel

Two Days of Scrapings

Well, congratulations to me for accomplishing nothing for the last two days.  This is what a scraped down panel looks like.  I was playing around with the pose from last week's modeling session and nothing I did worked.  It was as if my brain said, "what, you did this already!"  I thought I could trick myself into doing it again in a different style but, nope, not happenin'.  I'm going to clean up and go wash the dogs.  I'll try again tomorrow.  I have to realize it's never wasted time, even if I don't know what I've gained.  Something good will come out of this.