Primed

Introversion   5 X 5 ft  oil on canvas

The definition of introversion that works best for me is this: despite the fact that I love people, the energy I expend in talking to and being with them is limited and does not get refilled until I am alone and pursuing other goals. Usually all that is necessary to recharge my battery is a quick nap or an hour in the garden.  But recently I feel like I've been zapped, drained, depleted.  It's as if I need to "prime the pump," pull out the choke and flood my engine.... something to push me over the red line.  Nothing is wrong in my life.... nothing. In fact, seeking to find a "reason" is self-indulgent and narcissistic and doesn't help one little bit. Have you ever tried to water a houseplant when its soil has gotten completely dry?  The water runs right through the soil into the saucer.  It seems contradictory, but to get dry soil to absorb water you have to moisten the soil first.   I feel just like that.... my soil has gone too dry and all the good things in my life seem to flow right through me without being absorbed.  And I don't know what is needed to do that pre-moisturizing of my soul.  This painting is an exercise in pure expressionism, a stream of consciousness that reflects some of the subjects I have painted over the last year.   It is a dark story told in passionate calligraphic strokes, intensely personal and mysterious, even to me.  I do not feel primed.  Yet.  I will continue to search through all means, including paint.  I hope you enjoy it.

Too Little

Kendra 8X10 in oil on canvas panel

I am trying to find something to paint for my daily challenges and I keep reverting to the figure.  It's one thing to paint them well on a larger scale but to bring life to a tiny figure is a tremendous challenge for me.  I am not a master of the delicate brush nor of brevity. My inspiration is Stephen Early (http://www.stephenearly.com). I researched one of his tiny nudes, zoomed in to discern his brilliance of draftsmanship, delicacy, detail and tried to translate it into what I was painting. I started with a bad iPad, photo, fuzzy, poorly lit and I struggled just like every other time I've worked on this scale... I don't know... we'll see.  I might hide it in a day or a week or month. Hope you enjoy it.

Is it Done Yet?

What do you think?  I love the grissaille underpainting and fully intended to glaze in the skin tones but my sister said I should just leave it as it is.  Soooooo, I'm just putting it out for a day or two to see what ya'll think.  Hope you enjoy it.

I am happy to announce that two of my pieces have been selected for a local show at the Foundry Art Centre in Saint Charles, Missouri.  The show is called Figurative Works and opens this weekend, the reception Friday night.  The two paintings are 'The Dancer' and 'Eric.'  It's such an honor to have anything selected so I am doubly pleased.  If you are in the area, please drop by for this free event from 6-8 PM on Jan. 24, have a glass of wine and some nibblies and check out this great space.

Friday

I'm just now getting in my studio and it's late afternoon. Having been gone last weekend, I missed cleaning the house and it was starting to really bug me.  I was feeling so tired yesterday, as I mentioned, and the last thing I want is to get anxious or sick of doing my little eye studies so I decided to take the day off and do some housework and shopping and such.  I feel the need to work on a figure painting and I've got just the image in mind.  I think I will do an homage to my favorite figure painter, Stephen Early. Last week, in my figure drawing group at the other studio, I did a nice sketch of Eric (one of my favorite models.)  He was leaning against the wall but resisting it so his muscles were engaged as you can see from the sketch.  I will dabble on it this weekend and maybe paint in earnest on Monday.  Hope you enjoy it!

Beauty is in the Eye

Today's work is Sarina, the sister of my subject yesterday.  Their eyes are very similar.  This is the first time in this series I've painted an eye with make-up.  I found it challenging.  I'm not entirely pleased with some of the color but not unhappy over all.  I do miss painting wrinkles, though, and I will paint some next.  I don't want to over paint but young skin has to be so much smoother and transparent so I tend to blend more. With wrinkles I can hatch and splotch and dab to my heart's content. I guess I need that to stay fresh and original in this series.  I hope you enjoy it.

Into the Light

Today's painting is of my model/friend, Kendra. The source photo was taken by her daughter, Zinnia.  I tried to keep the lightest lights pure and bright. I worked from a light mauve-tinted panel and I think that helped me keep my vision adjusted to the high values.  I hope you enjoy it!

About Face

I suddenly realized I have only painted left eyes in this series!  So, today I remedy that situation.  This is my son, Ben's, right eye. This eye reflects the world around it, just as his work does. Ben is an amazing illustrator and comic artist.  His 'eye' is fantastic.  He sees what I have never seen.  And he encourages me to pursue this dream of painting.   Ironically, Ben's name means, "son of my right hand." Thanks, Ben, son of my right eye.

What Matters Most

I am so taken by these eyes that I wonder if I'll ever get tired of them.  Of course I will, but think what they have to offer: lots of color, reflections, subtleties, and drama.  Today I started from a darkly stained panel.  I thought I might have really set myself up for failure.  I usually start with a mid-toned canvas or panel so this was intimidating.  What this did was set the tone for the finished painting.  Although this really wasn't a terribly dark photo source, the outcome is very Rembrandt-like, dark and moody.  I hope you enjoy it.

Stop Yelling (I Can Hear You)

Eight years ago this past February I quit my job to become a full time artist.  But opportunities arose and I ended up becoming a potter, teacher, shop keeper, and finally a caregiver for my parents.  I did, however, paint through out, and did some acceptable work, in spite of all the wonderful distractions.

Eight years ago.  As I see it now, in perfect hindsight, I gave into the fear and doubt, ONCE AGAIN, and allowed these things to take precedence.  But now I have slowly, one by one, unburdened myself of each of these delightful distractions, and dedicated myself to my art, once and for all, for ever and ever.  Amen.

I wouldn't trade a single one of those gifts, the pottery at Boonesfield, the store on Main Street, the big studio at the Foundry Art Centre, or our lovely teaching studio at Crossroads, or the precious time with my parents, for anything else.  Those were amazing and wonderful times.  The thing I regret, though, is not putting my painting first. I wonder where I would be now, almost a decade later, if I had pursued it with a passion.  I can't look back.  Life is all about choices and we tend to make decisions based on a lot of circumstances, including doubt and fear.

I won't be afraid any more.  This is who I am.  This is what I do. Life will present me with other challenges and distractions and, honestly, duties that I must attend.  But the work is first and foremost.  Ya hear? (I am yelling at myself.)

Here's another POD.  This time it is Tim's eye.  Hope you enjoy it.

Waiting for the Muse to Visit

My very talented artist son, Ben, cried, "I need a muse!" And I replied, "I bet what you really need is some financial success!  A sponsor, a contract, a patron!"  How much of our artistic lives are spent trying to find out what to make that will sell? How much energy is expended on marketing and promotion?  How many times have I looked at a blank canvas and said, "what's the point?"

Nothing is more stimulating than success.  But if I wait for it, it may never happen.  We artists have to stay motivated, fresh, original, energetic, spontaneous.... good grief!  Who can maintain that type of kinetic energy? That's a huge list for any one to attempt, let alone a melancholic artist!  Ah, well. 

Nothing succeeds like success someone once quipped.  Yea, right.

I'm really frustrated trying to paint really large things on a tiny little canvas.  Today I decided I'm going to enlarge small things instead.  Here's my POD (Painting of the Day.) I painted it over the scrapings from the last two days.  Hmmm, I should give it a meaningful name like, "Lost and Found," or something equally banal.  Instead, I give you, My Eye.  Hope you enjoy it.

My Eye 8 X 10" oil on panel

Two Days of Scrapings

Well, congratulations to me for accomplishing nothing for the last two days.  This is what a scraped down panel looks like.  I was playing around with the pose from last week's modeling session and nothing I did worked.  It was as if my brain said, "what, you did this already!"  I thought I could trick myself into doing it again in a different style but, nope, not happenin'.  I'm going to clean up and go wash the dogs.  I'll try again tomorrow.  I have to realize it's never wasted time, even if I don't know what I've gained.  Something good will come out of this.

Between Two Worlds

I live in many spheres... I am torn between them all!  When I am gardening, I'm feeling guilty for not being in the studio.  When I'm fixing up River Road Studios where I have my figure drawing group, I feel like I should be at my home studio.  I guess the healthy artist is the one who balances her tasks and plays with the tension between them all.  I am so grateful, profoundly grateful, to have this time of my life to focus upon my art.  So much has transpired to make it possible, but here I am with NOTHING but good things to distract me.  It is up to me to decide which path I'll take each day.

One thing I know, though, and that is there is not enough life left for me to do all the things I need to do to become the painter I want to be!  It's okay to be wooed away on occasion but I MUST be about the business of painting.  Here's the completion of the teeny little figure painting.  Hope you enjoy it!

Some is Better than None

I worked on lighting in the River Road Studio today.  Rearranged and erected my lighting boom.  After lunch I took a little reboot and then came down to the home studio to do something, anything, hopefully beneficial on my little painting from yesterday.  I'm sorta kinda maybe a little bit pleased (almost afraid to say it?)  This is tiny tiny tiny, folks.  I'm not used to painting figures with 2's and 4's.  Well, just a smidge of progress but here it is.  Hope you enjoy it.

Sarina Revisited

Am I done yet?  I'm still learning about pastels.  I'm getting a little closer to what I envision but I'm so ready to run back to oils!  I don't think this one is quite complete but I've been at it for four hours and I need to take a break.  Maybe tomorrow I'll decide "it's good enough" for what it is.... and try it again in oil.) Check this out and feel free to comment: