Primed

Introversion   5 X 5 ft  oil on canvas

The definition of introversion that works best for me is this: despite the fact that I love people, the energy I expend in talking to and being with them is limited and does not get refilled until I am alone and pursuing other goals. Usually all that is necessary to recharge my battery is a quick nap or an hour in the garden.  But recently I feel like I've been zapped, drained, depleted.  It's as if I need to "prime the pump," pull out the choke and flood my engine.... something to push me over the red line.  Nothing is wrong in my life.... nothing. In fact, seeking to find a "reason" is self-indulgent and narcissistic and doesn't help one little bit. Have you ever tried to water a houseplant when its soil has gotten completely dry?  The water runs right through the soil into the saucer.  It seems contradictory, but to get dry soil to absorb water you have to moisten the soil first.   I feel just like that.... my soil has gone too dry and all the good things in my life seem to flow right through me without being absorbed.  And I don't know what is needed to do that pre-moisturizing of my soul.  This painting is an exercise in pure expressionism, a stream of consciousness that reflects some of the subjects I have painted over the last year.   It is a dark story told in passionate calligraphic strokes, intensely personal and mysterious, even to me.  I do not feel primed.  Yet.  I will continue to search through all means, including paint.  I hope you enjoy it.

Waiting for the Muse to Visit

My very talented artist son, Ben, cried, "I need a muse!" And I replied, "I bet what you really need is some financial success!  A sponsor, a contract, a patron!"  How much of our artistic lives are spent trying to find out what to make that will sell? How much energy is expended on marketing and promotion?  How many times have I looked at a blank canvas and said, "what's the point?"

Nothing is more stimulating than success.  But if I wait for it, it may never happen.  We artists have to stay motivated, fresh, original, energetic, spontaneous.... good grief!  Who can maintain that type of kinetic energy? That's a huge list for any one to attempt, let alone a melancholic artist!  Ah, well. 

Nothing succeeds like success someone once quipped.  Yea, right.

I'm really frustrated trying to paint really large things on a tiny little canvas.  Today I decided I'm going to enlarge small things instead.  Here's my POD (Painting of the Day.) I painted it over the scrapings from the last two days.  Hmmm, I should give it a meaningful name like, "Lost and Found," or something equally banal.  Instead, I give you, My Eye.  Hope you enjoy it.

My Eye 8 X 10" oil on panel

'Supporting the Arts' vs. 'Supporting Artists':

We had a wonderful time at 2nd Thursdays @ The Foundry Art Centre last night. Food trucks in the parking lot, music and making art inside. But when you lower art-making to the lowest common denominator, as in Johnny making a piece of art in ten minutes that he can take home that looks just as good as the sample, or for that matter, some of the art on display, why should anyone pay for "art" that artists make? Part of me LOVES the whole concept of "you TOO can make a pot!" And another part of me thinks it demeans the work of serious artists. The third part of me says we need to challenge the narcissism of artists anyway! Unfortunately, the bottom line is that for artists to sustain themselves financially is almost impossible.

When 'Johnny and Susie' make art, and it's as good or better than what you see on the walls in the gallery, it makes me ask the irreconcilable question of 'What IS art?' I know better than to "go there." It doesn't stop me from musing on it, however. At the very least, I think great art is great story telling.  But more than this, artists proclaim what they love. Some art is beautiful (more so to some people than others). Some art is ugly and offensive (also more to some than to others.)  These subjective evaluations are in the mind and eye of the observer.  But, even if an artist portrays chaos and ugliness, she is proclaiming that order and beauty have a purpose.  It may not be the ideal to which she is striving but at least there is the sensibility that she is challenging the definition.  

I'd like to make the case that creating art is similar to falling in love.  When we are in love, we want to tell everyone we know about it, write songs and poems about, think about and focus all of our creative energy on the loved one. Perhaps, art can be defined as something we love passionately enough to focus all of our creative energy, thoughts and passion upon.  If we don't love it enough, it will be a hobby/playmate.  If we dash off something too easily, lacking passion, we demean our lover and perhaps aren't making art at all, but rather are crafting .

I am in a quandary right now, wondering how I'm proclaiming my loves. I am torn into bits, parts of me going in lots of directions.  I'm taking myself back to a vulnerable place by exposing myself to this blog.  By revealing my lack of skill and vision, I am tearing down walls that I have built up over decades that have protected my image but have walled off creativity, spontaneity and joy.